I think we can all attest to that moment that we meet someone and there is a potential of a relationship. I had been in relationships in the past where there was attraction there but I can honestly say the more I get to know my husband, the more I fall in love with him. There are some key differences in our relationship that I believe are the key to finding your soul mate and this is what I attribute it to:
We both enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and puppies.
As cliche as this may sound, having the same deep rooted core values are crucial in our relationship. I am deeply rooted in working out, eating healthy, travelling the world, buying rental properties, starting businesses, spending time with my family and friends and obtaining as many dogs as I can. Luckily for me, Bill has similar interests in these areas and he has been open to them. I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t work out or want to eat healthy or didn’t want to travel as it wouldn’t support my lifestyle and fundamentally wouldn’t leave me feeling satisfied at the end of the day. Rather than pull me away from these core values, he brings me closer to them and that is so important in our relationship.
We both have the same goals.
Bill and I built a house together in 2007; we moved to Vietnam in 2008; we bought a cottage two streets from Lake Huron in 2009; we bought a house on the lake in Nova Scotia in 2010; we bought a house downtown Fredericton in 2012 and now I am exploring opportunities in Vancouver and he is in Ontario working on his Power Engineering ticket. Our goal is to have enough rental income and savings to support us working online and traveling by 40. Because our goals around real estate and retirement have been the same, decision-making is easy. We rarely have disagreements because we fundamentally want the same things. Couples fight not because they can’t get along but because they fundamentally want different things and if your dreams aren’t aligned, you can’t fulfill each others needs.
We help each other grow and be our best.
There have been some pretty woo woo things I have paid for and done that most husbands may give their wife a hard time about. I have paid for hot yoga memberships (those things are expensive!), paid for psychotherapists, business coaches, personal trainers, a shit ton of books, roller derby gear and many more things in between. I have even talked about going to Tony Robbins (probably a $5000 trip) and he doesn’t bat an eye. He wants to see me be at my best and will do whatever that takes to support me. He knows that if I am happy, that is the best thing for both of us. I support him in the same way – guns, beer brewing equipment, fishing trips, etc – Whatever he needs to get his zen on, I am totally cool with it.
We make each other’s family & friends a priority.
This may seem very obvious but this isn’t always the case in relationships. Bill has nothing but respect for my best friend and I have the same relationship with his. If I want to go on a girls vacation, there are no questions and just support. To date, I have been on several “bestie trips” and he has been behind every one of them. If Bill wants to go to the hunting camp or on a fishing trip, the funds are always there for him to do that. I know how important time is with his family and the same goes with mine. We are always up for family vacations and making that part of our itinerary. The stronger our bonds are with our friends and family, the more connected we are as a couple and it is never awkward to spend time together. To understand where you come from, you must understand the foundation of family and friends because they have shaped who we both are.
Our Wedding Day…
Although we were already getting married, our wedding day really solidified that he was my soulmate. It was absolutely the most memorable day of my life. The day was so carefree and lovely and we breathed in every moment of it. From crazy carpeting down sand doons in Mui Ne, Vietnam to sharing champagne and oysters barefoot on the beach with 30 of our closest friends, the day couldn’t have been more perfect. We didn’t have any disagreements on what we both wanted that day – something simple, meaningful to both of us and something our friends and family would enjoy. Perhaps that is the meaning of true love – knowing exactly what the other wants because you want the exact same things. And guess what…we did it again a year later and got married again in Vegas but this time in a Bellagio limo in a drive-through ceremony at “The Little White Chapel” because we are that cool.
As simple as it sounds, if you have to force it or you know in your gut it isn’t right, it probably isn’t. If your true values don’t align, it probably doesn’t feel like you are truly living in your relationship and let me tell you, it ABSOLUTELY can be that way. That isn’t just a fairy tale for the Cinderellas of the world. This fairy tale is out there for anyone willing to chase the dream of true love.
