How I Knew I Found My Soul Mate…

I went through a heap of bad boyfriends… Well, it seemed like a heap at 2 of 3.
The first was Italian. He was too cool, lived in Niagara, had way better hair than I did and drove a corvette. We used to snowboard together and watched renditions of “The Little Mermaid” to the soundtrack of “Pink Floyd”. It was my first long distance relationship and it wasn’t until I woke up to him making out with my Swiss exchange student that I realized I could do better.
My next boyfriend was not someone I was initially into but he was persistent… like a parasite. We met at a house party and it was like he never left. He smoked cigarettes, was rough around the edges and had a way of making me insecure which I guess was part of his charm. We had been dating for 3 months when I went to university in England and, of course, we decided to stay together.  I can’t remember why he started living at my parent’s house but it was a good thing he did. My mom listened in on a phone call he received in which she caught him meeting up with some girl. She had some nerve calling my parent’s house and had been someone I played hockey with. “Come on Eileen”! Love the song…not so much the girl.
Bill and Ash
And then I met Bill. He was tall, dark and handsome with beautiful big brown eyes and a smile that took me to my knees the instant I saw him. From the exact moment we locked eyes, I knew I was going to marry him. We both were working at AJ’s Ale House when he introduced himself. My next shift, he asked me what I was doing Saturday to which I coyly replied I wasn’t sure (I was totally sure – I had nothing planned) and when I asked him the same question, he confidently said, “I am hanging out with you”.  I instantly fell in love.
Our first date, I passed out, cause that’s what cool girls do on first dates. He skateboarded to get me some gatorade and my health was restored. Our second date, he cooked for me. I remember he made a seafood alfredo and the kitchen got hot… So he took off his shirt and man, he could cook.
Over the next few weeks, we discussed getting a dog. If she was black, we would name her Guiness and if she was brown, it would be Carlsberg. The next day, Bill showed up and had a beautiful 8 week old golden red puppy in his arms. This solidified things. Karly is 11 years old this year.
bingy

I think we can all attest to that moment that we meet someone and there is a potential of a relationship. I had been in relationships in the past where there was attraction there but I can honestly say the more I get to know my husband, the more I fall in love with him. There are some key differences in our relationship that I believe are the key to finding your soul mate and this is what I attribute it to:

We both enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and puppies.

Karly

As cliche as this may sound, having the same deep rooted core values are crucial in our relationship. I am deeply rooted in working out, eating healthy, travelling the world, buying rental properties, starting businesses, spending time with my family and friends and obtaining as many dogs as I can. Luckily for me, Bill has similar interests in these areas and he has been open to them. I couldn’t be with someone that didn’t work out or want to eat healthy or didn’t want to travel as it wouldn’t support my lifestyle and fundamentally wouldn’t leave me feeling satisfied at the end of the day. Rather than pull me away from these core values, he brings me closer to them and that is so important in our relationship.

We both have the same goals.

billy

Bill and I built a house together in 2007; we moved to Vietnam in 2008; we bought a cottage two streets from Lake Huron in 2009; we bought a house on the lake in Nova Scotia in 2010; we bought a house downtown Fredericton in 2012 and now I am exploring opportunities in Vancouver and he is in Ontario working on his Power Engineering ticket. Our goal is to have enough rental income and savings to support us working online and traveling by 40. Because our goals around real estate and retirement have been the same, decision-making is easy. We rarely have disagreements because we fundamentally want the same things. Couples fight not because they can’t get along but because they fundamentally want different things and if your dreams aren’t aligned, you can’t fulfill each others needs.

We help each other grow and be our best.

billy2

There have been some pretty woo woo things I have paid for and done that most husbands may give their wife a hard time about. I have paid for hot yoga memberships (those things are expensive!), paid for psychotherapists, business coaches, personal trainers, a shit ton of books, roller derby gear and many more things in between. I have even talked about going to Tony Robbins (probably a $5000 trip) and he doesn’t bat an eye. He wants to see me be at my best and will do whatever that takes to support me. He knows that if I am happy, that is the best thing for both of us. I support him in the same way – guns, beer brewing equipment, fishing trips, etc – Whatever he needs to get his zen on, I am totally cool with it.

We make each other’s family & friends a priority. 

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This may seem very obvious but this isn’t always the case in relationships. Bill has nothing but respect for my best friend and I have the same relationship with his. If I want to go on a girls vacation, there are no questions and just support. To date, I have been on several “bestie trips” and he has been behind every one of them. If Bill wants to go to the hunting camp or on a fishing trip, the funds are always there for him to do that. I know how important time is with his family and the same goes with mine. We are always up for family vacations and making that part of our itinerary. The stronger our bonds are with our friends and family, the more connected we are as a couple and it is never awkward to spend time together. To understand where you come from, you must understand the foundation of family and friends because they have shaped who we both are.

Our Wedding Day…Bill

Although we were already getting married, our wedding day really solidified that he was my soulmate. It was absolutely the most memorable day of my life. The day was so carefree and lovely and we breathed in every moment of it. From crazy carpeting down sand doons in Mui Ne, Vietnam to sharing champagne and oysters barefoot on the beach with 30 of our closest friends, the day couldn’t have been more perfect. We didn’t have any disagreements on what we both wanted that day – something simple, meaningful to both of us and something our friends and family would enjoy. Perhaps that is the meaning of true love – knowing exactly what the other wants because you want the exact same things. And guess what…we did it again a year later and got married again in Vegas but this time in a Bellagio limo in a drive-through ceremony at “The Little White Chapel” because we are that cool.

As simple as it sounds, if you have to force it or you know in your gut it isn’t right, it probably isn’t. If your true values don’t align, it probably doesn’t feel like you are truly living in your relationship and let me tell you, it ABSOLUTELY can be that way. That isn’t just a fairy tale for the Cinderellas of the world. This fairy tale is out there for anyone willing to chase the dream of true love.

One thought on “How I Knew I Found My Soul Mate…

  1. You are both so lucky to have found each other. Always cherish and respect each other and you will grow old together! Once again, thanks for sharing!

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